Saturday, June 27, 2015

On double rainbows...

  1 Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth. 2 The fear and dread of you will fall on all the beasts of the earth, and on all the birds in the sky, on every creature that moves along the ground, and on all the fish in the sea; they are given into your hands. 3 Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything. 
   4 “But you must not eat meat that has its lifeblood still in it. 5 And for your lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each human being, too, I will demand an accounting for the life of another human being. 

 6          “Whoever sheds human blood, 
                   by humans shall their blood be shed; 
               for in the image of God 
                    has God made mankind. 

     7 As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.” 
     8 Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him: 9 “I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you 10 and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth. 11 I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.” 
     12 And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 13 I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 14 Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 15 I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. 16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.” 
     17 So God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth.”               
-Genesis 9:1-17


Brandon and I want to say thank you for all your kinds words, texts, likes, and comments. We have had a huge smile on since Monday when we found out there were in fact two babies in there, but yesterday was pretty great too! 

I thought I would answer the two most asked questions and then also let you know how you can be praying for us in the months to come. 

How did you find out you were expecting again?

I had been tired for about a week straight, but didn't take it seriously until I went to a film at the Bentonville Film Festival and struggled big time to stay awake. I went to buy the test on my way home. I was racing to beat Brandon because I wanted to surprise him if I was. I stopped at Dollar General and bought the test. I remember smiling when I left the store because we bought our test there when we found out we were pregnant with Lily. I also remember being incredibly nervous. This year, I've been heavily convicted about reading my way through the Bible. I've taken a chapter a day and it is incredibly manageable and I've learned so much. That day, my reading was Philippians 4. I hadn't read for that day yet. It wasn't a coincidence either. 

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!
I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me.Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. 15 Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16 for even when I was in Thessalonica,you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. 17 Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. 18 I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrantoffering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
20 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
21 Greet all God’s people in Christ Jesus. The brothers and sisters who are with me send greetings. 22 All God’s people here send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar’s household.
23 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.

God met me exactly where I was. I prayed that if this was in His will that He would be all over it and show me that He was, but I also wanted to know that Lily was a part of this as well. I went home and took the test. It was a faint line, and so after some consultation from a close pal, I went for a digital. I needed to see the words, or rather word. Sure enough, the word popped up pretty quickly. I picked up two onesies from Target while I was picking up the digital test and raced home. Brandon asked where I was while I was gone and I can't remeber what fib I told him. We ate dinner and I was a Nervous Nelly the whole time, but it was also wonderful because I had some time of just me knowing. So I set it all out and waited for Brandon to find our little surprise. He eventually went into our room after what seemed like an eternity and came out and said, "NO. WAY." He was surprised, but he also had a crap eating grin on his face too. 

God showed us that He is always faithful with the day we found out and used our oldest to do it. It was May 6th. Lily would have been ten months. 

Did you know you were expecting twins?

Not until this past Monday officially, but I knew in my heart the day we found out I was pregnant, we were.

After Lily passed away, I really hung onto any sighting of rainbows I could get. Truthfully, I'd been looking for them since we had her diagnosis. I knew we were in a storm, and I just wanted to know that God hadn't forgotten about us. The problem was that I never actually saw one in person. Friends and family would send us both pictures of rainbows regularly. They'd always say they were thinking of us and our girl, but I never saw one in person. It kind of became comical at times because it would rain and I would run outside and Brandon would ask me what I was doing. I'd tell him that I was looking for a rainbow. He didn't really know how much stock I'd put into rainbows. I remember napping during a storm and waking up mad because it was sunny. Brandon couldn't understand why and so I finally told him. He said he understood. 

The day we found out I was pregnant, my sister Jessi, (WHO DID NOT KNOW I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN) sent me another picture of a rainbow. She said it made her think of Lily. But this rainbow was special and very different from any of the other rainbows we'd seen.  It was a double rainbow. I immediately started crying and told Brandon I thought we were having twins. He said that was crazy, but he didn't say I was wrong. Something that I've been learning this year is that God is ALWAYS faithful, but we as humans aren't always faithful to Him. So in the weeks that followed, I tried to be as faithful as I could. For me being faithful looked like believing in that double rainbow, so that meant acting on it. I would buy two of outfits we liked. Brandon asked why I had two once and I told him. He again said it was crazy, but then he had VERY strong opinions about the outfits I would buy. He'd say baby and I'd say, "Well, babies." He'd look at me, but never correct me. 

Now let me pause quickly to say, acting on this was incredibly hard for me. Saying aloud the word, "babies" took way more courage than just about anything I'd ever said before in my life. But the more I said it, the easier it became and also the more I believed it. 

We had early appointments because of our medical history, but it put our minds at ease. This past Monday, we went for the first appointment where we'd actually see somebody inside. The first two appointments were to make sure that things were progressing as they should. 

My doctor used the doppler on my tummy first. He said, now don't worry if we don't find a heartbeat with this. I'll find one easily with the ultrasound. He listened for a bit and then used a different doppler. He said something about the heart rates duplicating. I DIDN'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS. I was too afraid. He started the ultrasound and showed us the first baby. He said, "We have a good strong heartbeat. Everything looks great so far." Then he shifted the ultrasound and said, "And here's the second one!" I started tearing up immediately. Brandon's response was, "SAY WHAT??" Our doctor checked the second baby out and said there was a good heart rate for that one as well. We then had a second ultrasound because our doctor said this was a game changer and he wanted to know as much as he could as soon as possible. 

We are incredibly excited!!! 

How You Can Pray:

  • Pray for a healthy pregnancy for me and for the babies. 
  • I had bloodwork done on Monday to check for the Trisomys. We won't have those results back until next Friday at the earliest. Pray for us and the waiting. Waiting for the unknown is one of the hardest things there is. Pray they are healthy. 
  • Pray for our hearts. Pregnancy after infant loss is HARD. What is supposed to be a wonderful time is now a hard fought battle. We are constantly praying that Satan won't steal, kill, or destroy our joy. Pray that God would bind Satan from that. We have good and bad days.
  • I am still studying for the bar. 
  • Pray for mommas suffering from infant loss. The ones who are in the beginning of their hurt, the ones waiting again, and the ones pregnant again. Also, pray for the ones even 23 years out from this experience. We all think about and miss our babies constantly.
Thank you again for sharing in our joy!

Happy Saturday!!  


Rikki said...

I am SO thrilled to read this tonight! You have no idea who I am but I've followed you on twitter for awhile now and of course through your blog. Your story, Lily, etc has touched me so much because you have displayed such an incredible amount of faith and strength through it all, it amazes me!

I will be praying for you, for Brandon and those babies!

Carrie said...

Congratulations! I'm so excited for your family. Gods miracles are all around us. I will pray for joy during your pregnancy 🌈🌈

Robin Green said...

We had a baby girl who lived for just one day back in 1995. I am loving your story, because just a few month after our baby girl died, we found out I was carrying twins. I asked the Lord to give me twins, and He did!!! My precious twins are now heading off to college, and I can hardly believe how quickly it went by. God bless you and your family. God is Good!

Piece-of-Cake Parent said...

Hi, found you on Kelly's website! I can relate to all you have written and will pray! Your hubby is awesome to plan that painting party for you!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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