Monday, October 27, 2014

Ask and then listen

When I think about my blog, I think I'm not really interested in writing at this point. I'm also not interested in answering the question, "How are you doing?" either. Because the answer still includes my daughther being dead. And it's hard. Just is. Hard doesn't necessarily mean bad either, for the record.

Here's my point, sometimes when a parent loses a child, they want to talk. Sometimes, they don't.

For me, my personal rules so far for this situation seem to be as follows. If I want to talk then, I will respond. If I don't, then I won't. Most of the time, I don't need to be asked, I will just start talking. But if I don't answer THE question, then just go along with it. I know people care, and believe me I appreciate it, but I don't want to talk about how things are in public. I cry when I talk and I prefer not to do that. Further, telling me things like "God won't give you anything you can't handle" are rude and frankly, not biblical. So please don't say it. Honestly, when I respond, just listening to me is all I want you to do.

More simply said, Ask and then listen.

1 comment:

CrysHouse said...

There was nothing more eye opening to my Christian journey than loss. I'm not saying that's true for you; just the way it worked for me. I hated the simple platitudes--even the ones said in love. When people are nonplussed, I wish they'd stay that way instead of struggling to find a phrase for the occasion.

But I'm very like you--I don't want to talk, and when I do, I will. I don't like to cry in front of people. It takes me a long time to process things, and I need to do that in quiet and stillness.

So we pray. I prayed endlessly from the gospels: "Lord help us. We are going to drown." I prayed quietly and without talking. Because sometimes answering that stupid question just isn't helpful.

I do look for your posts, though. All while respecting your silence.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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