Sunday, September 2, 2012

On Nosedives and Crowds Going Wild.

NOTE: This post has lots of honesty, a few cuss words and might seem a bit dramatic at times. But's all me.

I ran 8 miles today with a pace of 11:48. I've never run that far before in my entire life.

It's a big milestone for me. I was super proud of myself.  If there ever was a time where I felt like a world class athlete and I can do anything, it was today.

My runner's high sounds a little bit like this...

Imagine Owen Field (where the Sooners play) when Oklahoma scores a touchdown.

You see the receiver make a catch and race for the end zone. The crowd gets excited and the cheers and screams get louder and louder the closer he approaches...


The place goes wild! There's a ton of whoopin' and hollerin' going on. The Pride of Oklahoma is playing "Boomer Sooner." The Ruf-Neks are shooting off their rifles and the Sooner Schooner rides out onto the field with the ponies running as fast as they can. The fans are still going crazy with their pride!

Except instead of a receiver running into the endzone, it's me running across the finish line. I feel like a million bucks and what I've accomplished is really great. I also do really hear Boomer Sooner. I'm bursting with pride because I've found my greatness like the inspiring Nike commercial that came out during the Olympics.

But there is also another sound just as important.

While I ran 8 miles today, I also ate like total shit this week. Anything I wanted, I pretty much put it in my mouth.

I am terrified to step on the scale this week because of the damage I did.

The more that I get into my journey, the more I think I have an addiction to eating the shit I used to eat regularly. I know this school of thought isn't for everyone, but for me, that's how I totally see it.

I lost 50 pounds and immediately what did I want to do to celebrate? EAT.

That's how my life has been. My parents announced they were pregnant with twins, we went out to eat to celebrate. I got into all the colleges I applied to and we went out to eat to celebrate. When I got into law school, same thing. On the flip side, if we were having a bad day, my sister and I used to run to Sonic for a drink and some chili cheese tots. Or if we were stressed about finals, we would eat terribly as well.

(Side note: I don't blame my parents or sister for any of my actions.)

I didn't let my eating when I hit that 50 pound mark get out of control last week, but this week I can't say the same thing.

I break into my flex points pretty regularly. But, what I don't touch is anything beyond that. I run to get activity points to offset the flex points I've used.

Well guess who broke into her activity points and then some?

Told you it was bad.

My shitty eating and gaining weight as a result sounds like this...

Imagine a plane flying across the sky. You admire how beautiful the plane is and are impressed that the pilot earned his license. Makes you want to be just like him or her. You notice the plane's features and how sleek and chic it might look.

And then out of nowhere, the plane's engines cut out. You suddenly realize the plane wasn't so chic after all and that something within the engine system is faulty.

The plane goes into a straight nose dive.

A nose dive is an awful sound. One that you'll never forget....

I keep hearing the nosedive over and over again and it is definitely driving me to be rigid the next two days so I can hopefully avoid a total plane crash.

But the bigger pictures is that at some point, I've got to break this cycle. It almost makes me hate the milestones that I hit because I know that I'll have to settle back into being serious about my weight loss journey. Again.

I've got to figure out a way to avoid the nosedives.

I've got to figure out how to take the good with the bad.

I've got to figure out how to find some serious balance. 

I'm open to suggestions, comments, feedback, and encouragement. If you're nasty, step away from the computer because I don't want to hear it and I'm feeling ballsy enough to call you out on it.

Happy Sunday and to those in the weight loss struggle with me, keep up the good fight!!


Katie said...

Oh, those nosedives. I am scared to say that maybe they don't ever go away? They get smaller, I think, but gone 100%? I don't think that ever happens. At least not for me. Fortunately, you can just start again. The smaller the nosedive/crash, the easier it is to gain the control back. I think the sign of maturity in our food decisions is "I ate like crap this week. Can't keep doing that. Gotta get back on track." because we know were it leads us. I know for me, I can get into a mentality of "I feel like crap so I'm gonna eat crap" and that is a slippery slope & adds 25 lbs to my booty.

Have you read Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst? I has helped me a lot in my battle with food. I definitely recommend it.

Oh, and EIGHT MILES?! You are AMAZING!! GIve yourself some grace, girl. You can do this.

LWLH said...

Woot Woot for the 8 miles girl, you are rocking it.

JMS said...

EIGHT MILES!! Go get it girl! That's awesome! I try to use my bad eat days as fuel for my runs. I had coffee with the whipped cream? Good- let that whipped cream carry me up the hill.

Susannah said...

First of all, EIGHT MILES! Holy balls. I could never! Second of all, "I'm gonna call you out cause I'm ballsy," I died. I kind of wish someone would so you could go all Team Guidice on them! Baaaahahaha! You seriously rock.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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