Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Wednesday is "Tenderhearted" Day.

Tenderhearted: soft-hearted; sympathetic

Do you ever go over a hard conversation you've had with a good friend a thousand times in your head after having it?

No? I'm the only crazy person who analyzes a conversation over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, stopping to do homework, blog, exercise, make hair appointments, grocery shopping. Except really, I don't stop analyzing everything because it's still running in the back of my mind what all was said and the never-ending and evil cycle begins again. 

And yet at the same time, if someone asked me if I would do it all over again, I would not hesitate for a moment because I said everything I wanted to say.

When I am a friend to someone, they get me and my whole heart, but when I put myself out there, I still am my worst critic and am so afraid I've done something wrong, even when I know in my heart of hearts, that I didn't say anything that I wouldn't have said if they asked me.

I let myself be vulnerable which is really hard and I don't regret it in the slightest. But at the same time, I don't want to hurt anyone.

I think it's part of my spiritual gift of discernment, I observe and read people well so easily, but at the same time, I am a huge people pleaser.

(Side note: I am the oldest child and am a major combo of my parents. Example: Dad is the discern-er/worry-wart, Mom is the people pleaser/tender-hearted.)


I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm extremely tender-hearted and sometimes it just kicks me in the pants.

How about you? Do you struggle with this issue? (SOMEONE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE SAY YES SO I FEEL NORMAL. PLEASE.)

Happy Wednesday!
P.S. Thanks for all the tips yesterday! Keep them coming!!


Brittany Ann said...

Um, hello? Have we met? You know I'm like this (Fellow first-born!)

In the last year or two, I've let it go. Because it was literally running my life and making me one hot mess. Ella helped in that arena.

All that to say, it's still a struggle, because I am a very strong-willed person who is passionate but also (overly?) concerned about others. But I've managed to get some perspective in the last year of my life, and finally, I feel a bit freer from it.

CrysHouse said...

I TOTALLY get you. And I hope you're normal, because if you aren't, some of us are in for a world of trouble.

I constantly replay things in my head. Sometimes, my head will allow me to relive a conversation from a few weeks ago just to make sure I have something to have a panic attack about. Lovely, right?

Gina said...

*raises hand slowly*

I'm the same way. And also a first-born. Struggle with this all.the.time.

Susannah said...

I really hope this isn't about the email I sent you about a date-cause I feel like a heel. I so hope I didn't hurt your feelings regarding our convench! I'll just die-you are dear to me!

Lil' Woman said...

I'm not first born but I can totally relate to this, all the time!!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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