Tuesday, October 11, 2011

State of the Hair Address

I know y'all are absolutely riveted by my obsession with my hair. So to help with your trance-like state I thought I'd tell give you the latest state of things.

The big news developing is that my roots are starting to come in and as I've said all along they're blonde. Now this wouldn't be a big deal, but when I was looking in the mirror, I made the mistake of asking my husband if he saw grey...

And the turd guy jokingly said, "Yes."

I got into the shower and while I acted all cool, I was in panic mode. I went into all these theories about whose genes I got when it came to hair. I have this really freaky thing that goes back five generations where one of the parents is the oldest. (My parents are both the oldest.)  I have a lot of qualities of my dad's, but there are just some things that are definitely my momma too. I quickly checked off all that I knew...

Big Ears...Dad
Blue Eyes...Mom
Smile....Mom
Teeth....Dad
Nose...I don't even know b/c I've always hated my nose.
Skin complexion...Dad
Butt...Mom
Boobs...Grannie (Dad's mom)
Knees...Mom
Calves...Grandma (Mom's mom)

But I realized that I never figured out my hair.

Both of my parents were towheads as babies, just like I was.
Both of my parents remained blonde/dark blonde through college.

But after? I didn't know.

I hurried through the rest of my routine in the shower to text them and ask when they first got grey hair.


My dad thought he was hilarious.

Btw, I don't think my momma is worthless. IT is a family inside joke. So don't judge lest ye be judged kids.
She REALLY thought she was a comedian.
Now listen, the truth of the matter is that I'm probably over-reacting here (By the way, you use this against me in the future, Brandon Kyle, I will deny it for as long as I live. I'll consider this post a moment of insanity. Love you babe!) and more than likely I am coming in blonde. 

But the thing is, I am now paranoid. 


The whole purpose of this "natural hair color" thing was to save money. 

Well, listen up y'all. I am here to tell you that the first sign of grey/white hair, I will hilight my hair blonde faster than you can say "There is no such thing as natural beauty." 

Because y'all I will not have grey or white hair. I will go to my grave with my hair color fresh. That's just how much I refuse to be grey. 


So if this really is happening, then all that time and energy to go natural would have been a waste. 

I need someone who will give it to me straight. 

I need my sisters. 

And so my fellow citizens, I ask that you reach across partisan aisles to cheer/encourage my family to come see me soon because I need serious help. 

Thank you and Good Morning. 

God Bless you all and God Bless These United States. 

Oh yeah...and Happy Tuesday! 

P.S. No, I will not be posting a picture of my roots. I have some pride I'd like to keep in check.

5 comments:

LG said...

Now I was totally expecting and waiting for a picture of the roots!!

Brittany said...

I have grey hair...and a lot of it. There's no shame. I even thought about not coloring it any more just to see what it looks like. J refused to let me do that and never complains when I pay for it to be colored :)

Lil' Woman said...

I think we need a picture to really get to the bottom of this matter : )

brown eyed girl said...

Well, you know, I am open and honest about my grey hair sitch. I think you should post a picture of your roots and let me assess the situation. I'll be honest!

Brittany Ann said...

Um, I'm gonna needed a texted picture. P went gray YOUNG, so I'm a pretty good expert, but I need to see the results.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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