Thursday, October 27, 2011

Miiiiind ya business, tha's all. Jest, miiiiiiind ya business.

When I was in grade school, I had more than one teacher tell my parents, "She is a great student, very bright, but she's too worried with what other people are doing or saying."

Basically I was a nosey little thing. My momma told me several times, that I needed to mind my own business.

I didn't appreciate this a whole lot.

What person would? No one likes to hear the negative. I can tell you that this people pleaser, teacher's kid certainly did not.

So to avoid the situation, I became a bookworm.

Don't get me wrong, I still was (and am) very much a social butterfly.  I was gonna do whatever it took to stop getting into "trouble."

And really, I got to explore other worlds and know about them as much as possible. My love of history started early in life because if I didn't understand why a character was treated a certain way, I'd read a book on the side about that period of history.

And then, I became a teenager.

(As a side note, I'd like to say that while I dream of having girls to dress up and then will grow up to be best friends some day, I do NOT want them because of the age bracket of 13-18. Girls are MEAN.)

I didn't have as much time to read as I used to because of homework that mattered and could determine where I got into college and because I was boy crazy, I also didn't make as much time as I used to either. I still read a lot, but the point is that because I was heavily into the social scene, I soon found myself struggling again with wanting to know the latest news.

On more than one occasion, I had run-in with girls that weren't nice. I had no problem pointing out that they weren't nice either. I thought by calling them out, that I was doing the right thing. My youth pastor always pointed me to the "Love" chapter in 1 Corinthians every time. I'd eat my humble pie and a month or two later, I was struggling again with the same thing.

Eventually, I got tired of the girls and their crap and just started hanging with the guys. (I actually got an opportunity to speak with one of the guys this week and I just felt so at home. Made me even a bit homesick. Hi Brad!)

I learned what good girl friends looked like in college. Today, my best friends in life that I can always count on or call remain the girls from college and the guys from high school.

Those groups taught me that if I focus on God, everything including being genuine, love, friendship, respect, trust, courage, kindness, opportunities, laughter and good times would fall into place. They helped me to realize that I have my own faults too and I have to be able to say I'm sorry when necessary.

Now, in Michigan, I feel like I've met some people that are a combo of both.

And I am struggling.

I feel like I've done everything I can, but I still don't feel like some have fully forgiven me. I truly feel like the ball is in their court. (By the way this isn't as bad as I'm making it sound. I'm just a drama queen.)

I don't know if it's me over-analyzing or what. (Of course it's me over-analyzing. I just don't know what to do or how to let go of it.)

But I'm just wondering if I'm the only one struggling with this problem. What have you done to let it just settle into your bones to stay focused and letting the rest falling away?

I do really well most days, but there are just some days where it seems like this endless worry just takes hold of me and I struggle with thinking about everything I've ever said to the person trying to figure out where I could have gone a different direction.

Does this make sense? I hope so.

Happy Thursday.



whit said...

I think if you've honestly done whatever you feel is enough {apologize, cookies whatever}, then you've reached out. Accepting forgiveness is not something you can make someone do. If you really are sorry and work on improving, that's all you can do! Kudos to you fellow bookworm. :)

Lil' Woman said...

I've been in that situation.
You've done what you've had to do and it's up to them to move past it.

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

This is super tough and I am actually going through something similar and can totally relate. Boo!! Time will heal it though.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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