Friday, September 23, 2011

A Personal Gut Check.

On Wednesday night, I was still glued to my phone because of all the drama this week. My head was about to burst because I was so upset about it all. I don’t want to give my opinion on the situation because I’m tired of hearing everyone’s words, including my own.(I don’t want that to come off as rude, because I don’t intend that to be rude in any way, shape, or form to be rude. I just think it would be better if I kept my mouth shut on the situation.)

My battery was getting close to dead status and I decided that it was more than a good time to just let it die. I wasn’t getting anywhere with my reading. But before my phone died, I saw where the Supreme Court denied a stay of execution for Troy Davis. I quickly asked someone when his execution was and waited for the news that it was completed while I simultaneously waited for my phone battery to go out. 

My phone died before it was 11pm and I thought about how crazy it was that he knew exactly when he was going to die. He literally would watch it happen. It was certain that it would happen. Now, I’m not writing about the politics of capital punishment, or whether he was innocent. I’m writing about how it affected me. 

In the middle of thinking about it, I realized that my death was certain too. And that thought brought me to my knees (metaphorically). It wasn’t because I don’t know Christ or where I’m going when I die. 

It was because my flesh has become absolutely and completely selfish and I thought about all the things I’d leave behind that were left undone and that bothered me big time.

But you know what? It was the gut check I needed.  

After, I finished my reading I grabbed the bible study I’d been meaning to start since February. I expected God to have something for me about death, and the study didn't start with a message about life and living it either. It was about Jesus from the very beginning of his life. How do all lives begin? With our mommas of course. So it was about Mary too. Even though it wasn't what I thought God would bring to me at that moment in time and still I don't understand how it was meeting me where I was at in that particular time, I'm sure that God will reveal himself at some point. He always does, even if it was as simple as a reminder of where my priorities should be and not where they are presently.

And I enjoyed the quiet and lack of constant connection to the world. That should be noted. 
 
Then I went to bed and turned my phone back on because I needed an alarm the next morning and suddenly I was back in the world again. Troy Davis had passed from this Earth and I couldn't go to sleep because I was still thinking about everything that had happened this week.

This post doesn’t have a nice little bow to end the story. 

I just wanted to share with y’all where I am in my walk with Christ. I have a lot of growing to do. 

Happy Friday.

2 comments:

Lil' Woman said...

Lots of craziness lately, I don't even know.

Laura said...

Letting one's phone battery die...imagine that. It really does sound nice. I feel like we all are too connected, any more, and it becomes dangerous. I'm happy you were able to get some "peace" and God time in.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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