Tuesday, December 28, 2010

On being honest...

Tomorrow I will be back to my usual self. I'm really genuinely excited to talk about the highlights of our year this year. Plus bowl games are upon us and you can bet your booty that I'll talking up my Sooners one last time before we hit the drought season.

But today...is different.

I know I've talked a little about missing Christmas at home this year.

But what you don't see on the other side of the screen are the tears. I am not handling this well at all. I thought things would get better after Saturday and then of course, I remembered that after Christmas is when we both celebrate Christmas with extended family.

Christmas is not done in Oklahoma, but it is done in Michigan.

I can't tell you how hard it was for me during my 25 Days of Christmas series to post about all of my favorite things when inside my heart was breaking because we wouldn't be there to do everything like we do.

Lots of people have said, "the first one away is the hardest."

Well, I feel sorry for anyone who has to do it more than once in their lifetime because I promise that we'll have nothing to do with it again.

Answering for the umpteenth time about what our plans were for Christmas was just as hard as the first time. I cried after all of them too. While I'm ready for school to start so I can get my mind off things, I also am not looking forward to answering what I didn't get to do for Christmas either.

I don't care if that sounds wimpy. It's the truth. I think that sometimes in the blog world we try to shine things up a bit prettier than they really are. I know I am more than guilty of this. On an off day, I write about some of the cheesiest stuff, but the cheesy stuff gets me through and I push on.

But this is different.

Being away from family is hard in general. You miss out on a lot of things, but being away from them at Christmas AND New Year's is the worst.

Being away from my family and Brandon's family has got to be the worst of all because they do the best Christmas there is in the state of Oklahoma. I know I'm biased, but you would be too if you were in my situation.

I should tell you that we got to see my family through Skype on Christmas Day. Thank the Lord for technology. And I also heard from some family friends on Christmas Eve and one of my best friends on Sunday night. It was like a breath of fresh air being pumped into my lungs. Also, it was kinda nice to hear what my parents had been saying about me. My parents have always made it clear to us, that they love us, are proud of us and miss us, but it is kinda nice to hear it from other people. It was a confirmation, that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be and also, that I'm proud to be their daughter.

I can't say enough how it sure was good to hear from them. I cried on both calls, but it still was nice to hear from everyone.

My best friend from high school later was headed out to see some more dearest and oldest friends of mine and called to see if we were still in town so we could head out there. After I told him I was in Michigan, we decided to Skype also, but there is a reason that girls are the planners of events and not boys. Some things will never change I suppose. I am fortunate enough to be still be so close to friends from high school. They are good people and I am also proud to call them friend.

So it wasn't all bad. And I was with Brandon. Our first Christmas alone wasn't horrible, but still I know we both felt an aching in our hearts to be near our families.

New Year's Eve is a couple of days away and we always spend it our family-one side or the other- and everyone here already has plans. And Lord knows there is nothing worse than someone inviting themselves along for the party.

So we'll ring in the New Year with each other and Paisley of course.

I know this sounds worse than it is. I can be a bit of a drama queen on occasion, however, I'll deny it if you bring it to my attention.

The point is that I just wanted a day to just be sad. And I needed my sadness to be public so that y'all could pray for me.

I hope this finds you well and that you were with your loved ones this holiday season.

Happy Holidays.

6 comments:

Laura said...

I'm sorry you had to spend time away from your family during the holidays. :( I've never had to, but I can imagine it would be hard. Hang in there, girly. *hugs*

Lil' Woman said...

I feel your pain girl...I spent 5 years in Florida and the holidays were always the hardest for me. I loved being able to talk to them but sometimes it made it harder because I knew I was missing it and when they retell stories of that holiday or event I wasn't there.

I can't tell you it will get better because being away from your family is always hard but try to enjoy these times anyway and maybe think up some traditions that you and Brandon can start together they can be special for the two of you during the holiday.

Big hugs love :)

Randall @ Happy For This Moment said...

Read my latest post and you'll realize that I understand you exactly!

Kelsey Claire said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I can't even imagine how hard it would be. Just know you are doing some wonderful things up there in Michigan.

Allyson said...

Can I tell you that I read your post earlier today and then I started feeling sorry for myself?? So I am just getting around to commenting now even though I am still having a pity party.

Girl I know has stinkin' hard it is to be away from your family. In the last 5 years of marriage I have spent 1 Thanksgiving at home and 2 Christmas'. It stinks living 10 hours away from my family and only seeing them 2 or 3 times a year. I wish I could say that it gets easier but I feel like it just gets harder for me.

I know that Brian's family lives less than 3 hours away but I have never been close to them so it is not the same. I miss my sisters, my parents, my grandma, and home plain and simple.

Sorry I am not encouraging at all - just know you arent alone!

brown eyed girl said...

Super big huge hugs. XOXO

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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