Friday, September 17, 2010

Caring is sharing.

I don't know if you know this or not, but I have a very hard time with anxiety.

I have a very hard time dealing with the unknown or to be determined things in my life.

This spring and summer I mentioned that I was struggling with a stomach issue known as Duodenitis which means one of my muscles near the end of my intestinal tract was inflamed.

This condition is directly related to stress! (That should have been my first clue!)

When I was struggling with this condition the most is when I was basically in shock that my dream of law school had come true but with a twist. I was moving across country to do it. I didn't know what this would look like at all. And I let my fear and anxiety of the unknown take over my body. I made myself sick with worry. I got some meds for my tummy. I changed my diet and it helped so much! We visited in May and it did wonders for my nerves. Ann Arbor was and is a real and very wonderful place.

But before I got my tummy under control, I experienced severe nausea and vomiting. I slept hard because my body was so exhausted, but when I woke up, I instantly thought about my worries. My worrying rendered me one morning to my bathtub floor because I was trying not to puke and I had noticed that when I laid down in bed, the desire to puke went away. So I laid down in the tub while the shower was running and my nausea subsided and my anxiety went away. When I felt myself going past my limit, I got in the shower and just let the water run over me. I prayed about my fears and I know that God took them for me. (see 1 Peter 5:7)

I got things under control and was feeling tons better about the situation.

However, the battle had only begun. This problem flared back up when we got close to moving. Because while I had moved on from worrying about moving across country, I was now worried about leaving our families behind. And while I thought I knew how to attack the issue with meds and much prayer and some time in the shower, it was then that the attacks not only flared but basically erupted. I basically let myself puke just so I could feel better quicker.

We moved to Ann Arbor. My family helped us move and they left. I thought I would have a really rough day, but we both prayed about it the night before and I didn't get sick at all that day. I cried of course for several days after, but there were no tears.

I thought the lesson of relying on God had been learned. After all, I felt like I'd been pushed to my limit and then some. And that's when I realized that it really was only beginning.

For the past month and a half, God has provided for us in ways that should not have happened. In ways that only could come from Him. We have completely had to rely and solely on Him for our provision.

I thought that the stretching and and going out of my comfort zone was just moving away from home and family. But it was so much more.

And I've realized that it had to be that way.

Because if it didn't work that way, I wouldn't be able to appreciate my dream coming true.

Y'all I am in law school!

I, Samantha, writer of the ruby Turtle hippie times am in law school!

Think Danny Tanner jumping up and down while yelling, "I have a date tonight!" except, it's me yelling "I'm in law school!"

And my desires were heard. I am in law school and I absolutely love it. At least once a day, I stop and think about how happy I am to be where I am in exactly that moment. (see 1 John 5:14-15 and Psalm 37:14)

Girls, I'm not saying I'm on the "Health and Wealth" bandwagon. In fact, I think that as Christians our life is anything but simple. As Tom Hanks character in "A League of Their Own" said, "It's supposed to be hard. The hard is what makes it great."

I also am not trying to preach either. I just want you to know that I care about all of you that read and that I have "been there and done that." Well at least for the time being.

Don't worry about delivering bad news to me. When you tell me either way it lets me know which way to pray for you next. I don't know about the heartache of not being pregnant, or wanting to stay home to be with my kiddos, but I do know about the heartache of not getting my dreams. Also, the struggle and our dreams will not look the same. God is always original with His delivery.

I am in the middle of my dream and I could not be happier.

So when you don't get your dream, I mourn with you. But I start my petitions to God for the hope of tomorrow for you immediately. Your tomorrow and your dream will come someday friends!

Let me be clear, I am not saying that my prayers get preferential treatment either.

I'm just saying that I want to help relieve some of your stress by praying on your behalf.

God has not forgotten about you. He will answer you in His timing. The answer may not come in the form you expect and sometimes God will tell you No. But when God closes a door He always opens a window. I know that's a hard mouthful to swallow.


Just breathe.

And tomorrow is another day.

I hope this made sense.

And because this post isn't hokey and cheesy enough already, I thought I'd add this video. Controversial as she may be Miley knows how to write a song that speaks to the soul.

Happy Friday!


Lucy Marie said...

Beautiful post. I am so blessed to have found you here in the big old world of blogs.

Mrs.LifeAccounts said...

What a wonderful post!

Your stomach issue sounds vaguely similar to something I experienced for 6-8 months a few years ago. We were planning our wedding from another state, finishing grad school, working 60+ hours a week, studying for the cpa exam and moving a huge house full of junk two months before our wedding while starting new jobs simultaneously, temporarily moving in with my family and putting our stuff in storage and finalizing the wedding 400 people were invited to and that we were making the food and everything ourselves for...

Hah, to say my body became run down would be an understatement. I actually didn't feel stressed from everything that had to be done but my internal organs felt like they were in an all out war against my body and I couldn't eat and constantly hurt and felt dizzy/nauseous/like I was going to pass out/puke. The stress came from feeling so sick and having panic attacks that I was going to pass out while driving or get sick while I was at a client and have no way to get home... I was an absolute skeleton for months after the wedding and it took many months to fully recover... I'll be praying that your stress stays manageable!

Susannah said...

Dang girl!! That is crazy!

I am so glad to have become friends with you through blogging! Right on!

I wonder how much shizz "happens" to our bodies b/c of our own doings-like stress. That is nuts!
Thanks for sharing.

Lil' Woman said...

Wonderful post....I second Lucy....your blog is one of the many joys in my day.

brown eyed girl said...

The mind-body connection is a powerful thing. So is prayer.

Thank you, friend.


Brittany Ann said...

So, so true. Mrs. LifeAccounts and I were just talking about this. That God enacts His plan - even if it doesn't seem what we want - to prepare our hearts for our dreams. God has such a beautiful plan for us all. I feel blessed by the simple fact that he brought you into my life.

Everything, down to our bloggy friendships, is in His hands.

Jenni said...

I'm right there with you on the anxiety thing... when I get super anxious or stressed about something, I get a full body rash. I kid you not! All that anxiety HAS to come out somehow, and often it's through physical symptons.

I'm sorry you have to suffer this way though! And thank you for the encouragement! Enjoyed looking through your blog!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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