Monday, July 19, 2010

Unanswered Prayers.

As you know, B didn't get the job offer.

I was less than thrilled about this turn of events. In fact, I'll be blunt and say I was pissed.

I am a planner. I don't use one physically unless I'm in school, but I have a mental to do list running in my head all the time. And when something doesn't get checked off, I can't handle it.

So when B didn't get the job, just know that my brain was in overdrive.

There are a lot of emotions that go along with moving across country. And for me, when the logistical matters don't fall into place, it makes it that much harder to deal with the biggest issue...saying goodbye.

I was at work when I found out and I felt like my world was falling apart. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and I immediately ran to the bathroom, because I knew it was going to be a bad cry.

Remember, when I said I don't like to cry. Well, it's because when I let myself go, I get so upset that I make myself sick.

And I did exactly that. It makes me upset that I'm that upset. In fact as I type this I have tears in my eyes because it bothers me even now to think about how bad it was.

My co-workers were a little thrown because I've only ever cried openly twice in my 3 years there. So for my face to be so splotchy and eyes so blood-shot, it was an eye-opener that they didn't really like.

By the time I got home, I was mad. I move quickly through the grieving process by the way. I hate the way it makes me feel, so I want to get out of it quickly.

I received lots of comforting text messages and phone calls. Most of them were ones with a phrase along the lines, "God has a plan for you guys."

And I didn't want to hear it. I know God has a plan for us. I tell people all the time that God has a plan. But this was an area that I didn't want to be tested.

So when what felt like the bottom fell out, I was very vocal with God about it.

In fact, I definitely was yelling in the car at one point at God because I just couldn't hold it back anymore.

This move to Michigan is our time. It's Brandon's turn to get what he worked all these years in college for. It's my turn for law school.(And by the way, I am extremely blessed to have a man who loves me enough to leave his family behind so I can go after my dream. Brandon, if you're reading this, I hope you know that I love you so much for this.)

So many things had to fall into place for this to be the right time. So where the heck was God's plan for us because we still had a long way to go in a very short time. Didn't God care?

In fact, as of Friday, we still:
  • hadn't received official confirmation that I was getting loans for school.
  • we didn't know how we were going to pay for moving expenses.
  • we have some bills we have to finish up.
  • in order to get our apartment we had to have a letter from B's job which we weren't getting/a loan letter for school.
  • need a job for B.
We both didn't know how it was going to work out. We still are working, but we'd like to save our money as much as possible. It truly is just us paying for this part of the adventure. When we went to bed on Friday night I felt another big bad cry coming on so I prayed. It wasn't anything fancy. But it was between God, me and B. And I'm only telling you now because I want our time in Michigan from beginning to end to be for the glory of His kingdom.

I told God that I didn't know how it was all going to work out. I knew that I was supposed to praise Him in the good and the bad. And so I was going to choose to praise Him in the bad because He was in control. I told him that like Scarlett O'Hara says in Gone with the Wind, "Tomorrow is another day." I asked that He bless us and I prayed it all in His Son's name and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning still concerned, but kept holding onto the hope of a new day.
While I was in the shower, the chorus of the Garth Brooks song, "Unanswered Prayers" came into my head. (And again by the way, the shower is one of the few places where I can get quiet. It usually is where solutions come to me too and a plan of execution come to me as well.)

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

And I thought, okay God, I get the not so subtle reminder.

I got out of the shower and finished getting ready. We ate lunch in the middle of the hair process to break up the hotness. We still felt pressure on our chest because of all that had to be done. Finally, we got out the door.

And we stopped at the mail box.

Inside was a letter confirming my loan money for school.

There was another card with a check to help with some of the expenses listed.

That was Saturday.

On Monday, we found some churches to check out in Michigan that are Southern Baptist.

We also received some more help. This time it is going towards our moving truck.

God is bigger than any check list.

All of the things that are happening are because God is ALWAYS at work whether we see it or not.

And in case you haven't noticed He's already taken care of or given us a good start to 4 out of five. B also has an interview once we get to Michigan too.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us," -Ephesians 3:20

He is knocking that check list out of the park and I don't think He's finished just yet.

Happy Monday.


brown eyed girl said...

I don't have the right words to express how I felt when I read that, other than 'I can relate.'

There is a plan and it will all work out in the end, we'll all be taken care of, and that's what gets me through every day. Prayers for you and Brandon and his interview when you arrive in Michigan.

HUGS xoxo

Brittany Ann said...

Oh, sister, I'm so glad it's working out.

I knew, when I texted you about "God's plan," that you didn't want to hear that. I have been there. Different matter. Same feeling. You know. And I hate when that comes up, even though I know it's right. It's just so hard to always graciously dwell in that place of trusting God's plan.

I'm still praying daily for y'all, and I know know know he'll get a job.

God's taken care of the rest already! Yay!

Gina said...

Like Brittany, I knew when I texted you that my message may not have been what you wanted to hear.

But I cannot wait to read the post about the billion-times-better job that B does get!!

Lil' Woman said...

That's amazing that God's is graciously checking off somethings for you...everything will work out girl, just continue to keep your faith.

Brittany said...

You sound just like me. Always planning and wanting to know everything ahead of time. I've just realized that sometimes the more I want to plan and the more impatient I am, the longer God's plan takes to kick in. I've always said that I thought He had a great sense of humor and sometimes, while I know he loves me and protects me, he wants me to learn to trust him and not plan on my own all the time.

Best of luck! I will be praying for you guys!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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