Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Foggy Mountain Breakdown Part 3: Moving Away

My family reads my blog. Tonight would probably be a good idea if they didn't.

A few weeks ago, I found out that I got into law school. I've wanted this for as long as I could remember. I made this decision in high school and have not looked back since.

I was and am still so pumped.

Seriously, there isn't a day that has gone by since I found out that at some point in my day, I find myself smiling because I am going to law school.

This was my first wildest dream that I ever had.

But it's only part of the dream.

In fact, it's just the tip of the iceberg.

It's about to get as real as it can here at the old RTH.

As some of you know, I like the Kennedys, but I don't think most of you get why I'm so obsessed.

When I made the decision at 17 that I wanted to be an attorney, it's because I want to be in public service and when I say public service, I meant the presidency.

I know. It's a wild dream.

But it's one I still think about.

I don't know if I'll ever get to the Oval Office, but I sure am going to give it my best shot.

I got my chance to get just a little closer to being in public service with that letter in the mail.

As the Kennedy matriach, Rose Kennedy told her children, their call to public service was biblical. "To whom much is given, much is required." (Luke 12:48)

I believe that.

Now I'm not rich like the Kennedys were.

But I do believe in family and the call to public service like they do.

They are proof that one person can make a difference.

And so I read about them all the time. It fascinates me to no end that they were and are so fearless even with all the tragedy that came in their direction.

And my dad challenged me to use what I have in this world to make a difference. The only way that I can be in public service is by getting my education. It is not something that will be handed to me.

I took it whole-heartedly and sometimes in my life, I know I scared the hell out of him.

When I was 17, I went on a mission trip to the gang-neighborhoods of Boston. I didn't tell my dad until after that it was part of the trip. I'm sure he had some idea, but if he did he didn't freak until I got back.

But I also apparently made him proud.

I didn't know this until he gave his speech at our wedding.

In front of our families and closest friends, my dad told this story:

"When Samantha was little, my dad was worried about her size. He thought she was going to have trouble when she got older. But she didn't. She was brave in ways that I could never have dreamed of being. She learned to swim and ride her bike at a very young age. And when her sister and her went to Las Vegas to see her grandparents, she got them across country without aid from the airline.

She is fearless and I am so proud of her. She has never been afraid of anything.

And I never had to worry if she was going to be okay. Our worst fears for her were taken.

She is smart and is now a woman. I can't believe it. It seems like just last week, I was driving her home for the first time and I was afraid she was going to break every time I held her. And now she's an alumni of the University of Oklahoma. It still hasn't sunk in yet. "

Now, there is more, but I'm going to do us all a favor and stop there.

Because I promise you, it was a tear-jerker of a speech.

But the point, is that I never knew that my dad thought that of me.

My dad is always the one who pushed me to dig deep when things get hard.

Well, it finally has happened. Things are starting to get hard.

I woke up this morning wigging out about the fact that January is almost over. And we are that much closer to the time when we'll move away for school.

I am scared about moving away.

(Loren, Jessi, Mom, stop reading now.)

I knew this was coming. When I got my acceptance letter to OU, I was so pumped. And a few weeks later, I was an emotional mess. I know 3 hours wasn't that big of a deal.

But for about a month, every time I thought about going away in the slightest, I teared up.

It's happening now too.

My boss told me that they're going to throw a going away party for me.

I had to walk away from him because I couldn't stop myself from crying.

My brother and sister are going to be 14 this year. A lot happens when you're 14 and I'm not going to be there to tell them how I got through it.

Plus, Will is the Cowardly Lion. He is brave, but his heart is so tender. I'm going to miss him giving me a hug every time I see him, which currently is about 3-4 times a week.

And Loren, she's the Tin Man, she has the biggest heart and I've done everything I can to not think about her big crocodile tears that will roll down her face when they go to leave us at our new home. Plus she is in the middle of junior high. In case, you forgot girls are mean. And she looks like me, acts like me, gets good grades like me. ;)

And I'm gonna miss the next three years of their little lives.

And Jessi, she's my Scarecrow. She is my best friend. And the only friend who hasn't moved away from me. That is super important in my world. And also, I'm so proud of her. She had a hard time when I first moved away, but she has truly blossomed into a wonderful lady and someone that a lot of people look up to in our sorority. She is so brave and she is making her mark at OU.

Yeah, they can call and vice versa. But it's not the same.

And my parents...oh my parents. They are the reason that I have my wild dreams in the first place. They are some of the best people you will ever meet. They are why I have such strong convictions about politics and why I invest so much into people. They invested in me and my siblings. And they are invested in Brandon. They are invested in our lives being a success.

And I am definitely going to miss Brandon's family. I'm not sure that they realize just how real it is that we're moving across country sometimes.

Hear me now: I am going to law school. I am just realizing that this go round to be away from family is going to be a little bit harder.

Okay who am I kidding, it's going to be a LOT harder.

Yes, I'll get to see them, but it's just going to be hard.

And I'm just admitting that because I think it may be good for me to just put it out there that I am scared.

I am scared, but I'm excited too.

When I left for college, my dad helped me move in. School had started so my mom and siblings couldn't go with us. We did our best to avoid the subject of me moving away. But at the end of the day, he dropped me off.

He had to leave. It was part of the deal.

I cried all the way up the stairs.

And then I watched Legally Blonde that night. As cheesy as it sounds, it reminded me of why I was there.

I was 18. I was happy that I was away from my parents and by the next day I was over it.

This go-round is going to be a bit different. I just have a feeling it will be.

Good thing, I have Legally Blonde 2. It'll help me keep my eye on the prize.

Sorry for the sad post. I just wanted to put it out there that I'm scared.

I like to keep it real ya know?

It keeps me honest.

Plus, I think we all can agree that sometimes being a big kid can really suck.

Okay, sad post over.

We now return to the regular programming, already in progress.

Tune in for the Juicy Details Part 3 tomorrow. It's the story of how Brandon and I fell in love.

Happy Tuesday.

5 comments:

Kelsey Claire said...

I feel for ya! It will be hard for you to move away, but law school will fly by and you can move wherever you want!

brown eyed girl said...

Rose Kennedy was a very, very wise woman. This is part of your sacrifice to reach your dream, and you can do it. Together, you and Brandon will be so successful and it will all be worthwhile in the end.

Seriously, if you need anything, just ask, ok? I know how you feel about leaving home and missing your parents and siblings! xoxo

Gina said...

This post brought back those nervous and excited feelings of going away to school. I can't begin to imagine doing it all over again but wow, what an adventure it'd be. Can't wait to read all about it. You are going to make a difference in the world and the separation will SO be worth it. Good luck, lady!

Mrs. Potts said...

This is such an amazing journey that you are about to begin, especially with your dream of public service.

I'll be cheering you on!

Brittany Ann said...

Moving away is hard! Frankly, it sucks. No matter what! But you have a goal, and you're going to do this! And your family is going to behind you emotionally and spiritually!

And as for your bloggy friends, we've got your back, sister! If you need an ear, trust me, you know I understand. Love you!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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