Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Token Fat Girl


Excuse me while I complain for a moment.

It should be noted that none of what I have to say is directed at anyone in the blog world. In fact I get ALL of my encouragement from you on this issue. You're all very real about this.

Back to my complaining.

I have never been a skinny girl.

This is at my skinniest in college. I weighed 140. Pretty sure when they made fun of Jessica Simpson earlier this year, it was a huge blow to me. We're the same size and I was very proud of being this weight. The media can suck sometimes for sure.
This was during my junior year. I don't remember what I weighed at the time.

This is at my wedding. I was not where I wanted to be at all, but a good day still.

This is where I am currently. Weight not being announced on my blog.

Some days it bothers me a lot and others, it doesn't. I do have goals about where I'd like to be.

BUT, when the skinny girls (and I'm being really nice here) talk about being "fat cows" for eating "too much" and by too much they mean they ate 20 chips instead of their regular 10 with their half a sandwich for lunch it irks me....especially when they say this while looking at me.

And this is in a very public place!!!

What do you say to that?

And these are people I don't even know!

At work, I'm the token fat girl because I'm the only fat girl.

I don't begrudge the other ladies that I work with in the slightest. They are wonderful people who take care of me. I'm the kid at the office. Seriously, everyone that I work with that is a female in the office is a mom. So I'm the kid even if they are just 2-5 years older than me.

Back to what I was saying. When we go out for lunch, people look at me differently. At least I think they do. It does bother me a little bit, but not because I have low self esteem. It bothers me because other women are doing this to me.

When did we stop playing on the same team? We're all women. We should encourage each other.

I know who I am as a person, fat rolls included.

But when stuff like this happens, it taps into my part of self-esteem that makes me wonder. I know this is Satan more than anything but still.

On this week's episode of Private Practice, Addison was being an ass because she didn't think about her surroundings. Most people call this tact. I consider myself part of that group.

Clearly these people weren't thinking about theirs either.

I know what my trouble areas are when I lose weight. I know what it takes to do it, but starving myself isn't one of them. I admit I love food a little too much. I definitely need the exercise more, but with everything going on right now I can't fit it all into my day. After the New Year, I'm serious about my weight loss and workout plan.

I shouldn't have to announce my plans because then it sorta means that they and their rude comments have got to me. At the same time I want to put it here because then I will keep myself accounted for sure.

But until then, the skinny bitties can keep their comments to themselves.

Complaint session over.

Happy Saturday!


Brittany Ann said...

You are gorgeous. Period. And you could never not be.

junebug said...

people say things like that because they want to feel like they're better than someone else for a few moments.... it gives them a little ego boost. if they were actually secure with themselves they wouldn't feel a need to put down others to boost themselves up. so don't worry about them 'skinny bitties'... you're probably a much happier & secure person than they are & that's what counts!! :)

Kelsey Claire said...

Amen! I loved that post.

Jane said...

I feel you sister, but you are gorgeous and never forget that!

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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