Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Okay...after this I'm done.

this is the last time I swear....

"...I know this waiting period is not ideal. But God's promises for you and Brandon have not been forgotten. I know that wonderful, life-changing, really awesome things are in store for you. I pray that waiting gets easier and that things like Sonic Happy Hour, fresh strawberries with sugar, and little league baseball games bring joy and smiles to you this week..."

I hate to continue beating a dead dog, but I just can't get it out of my mind. So I figure that writing about it has to be somewhat helpful. I am more than sure by now you're sick of hearing this Johnny One-Note routine because I am sick of talking about it.

I realize that whatever happens is God's plan and not only is it his plan, but it is His plan "A." It always has been even if it feels like Plan B to me. This is something that I have realized thanks in part to MckMama's blog. And I have been learning in this time of waiting...but honestly it stinks.

Please don't misunderstand me.

I love my job. The people there are great. I have learned so much this past year from the women that I call my colleagues. They are all excellent examples in diverse ways of what a woman should look like in the 21st Century. I also have male colleagues and they too are good examples in again diverse ways of what kind of attorney, I'd like to be...female attorney included. She is absolutely awesome.

But that is just it. I haven't been given my shot to live my dream. Quite honestly, I can't imagine living as anything else. I do not want to settle. I don't feel like I should have to settle. And I am really tired of the waiting place that Dr. Seuss talks about in his book, "Oh the Places You'll Go!"

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

I am ready to escape. I am ready to live my dream and find my bright places. I have friends who are living their dreams right now. And to be honest, I'm a little jealous. They are doing what they said they were going to do and loving it.

When is it going to be my turn?

I know my time will come, but this is about all I can handle. I promise I am not one of those kids who when the game wasn't going their way or they were getting tagged too much, quit.

I am not a quitter...and I definitely am not one of those cry babies that we all know are out there. You know who they are.

I want my shot.

And this really is the last time I talk about law school. I won't post again until I know something.

I promise.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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