Thursday, March 26, 2009

when the music fades...

In my family I have many roles. One of them is the "class clown." This roles over into my job too. I am happy on a regular basis and when someone is down I am the one people call. For the most part I love this job.

But sometimes a clown can get down.

I talked about this a little earlier this month. And it was about not having friends. For the most part I have put myself out there on more than one occasion only to be burned.

This clown has been burned a lot. If the State were to enter an exhibit A you would see a picture of me with burn marks.

Now let me say this first. This is not a pity party. I repeat, this is not a pity party. And I also need to say that I am not talking about college friends. I have friends from college that pretty much taught me everything I know.

And I have tried everything in the book. I am as genuine as they come.

Well today it finally came crashing down at approximately 4:07pm today.

I am really stressed about so many things in life.

Law school.
Work.
Family.
Money.
The American Federal Government.

And I just started to cry. I just had one of those moments where I needed to have a good cry. Well that is all good and well, but seriously WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN AT WORK?!?!

I am a pretty emotional person, but when it comes to work, I try to be as professional as they come.

As you can imagine I was less than pleased to be crying. But the harder I tried to hold it back, the faster the tears came out. So here I am trying to look natural while entering data into the computer and praying like hell that no one would come through the front door. Well no one came through the front door, but everyone in the office basically came to see me.

They just wanted to talk and see how my day was going.

I looked like an absolute train wreck.

And they all wigged out.

I have only cried once before at work and it was because I made a mistake and the guy proceeded to chew me out for being wrong. I had apologized to him but apparently he felt like he needed to chew me out. This was some random guy off the street. So when I am crying and no one is around I guess they were a little freaked.

I want to repeat again that I don't want a pity party. I just wanted someone to hear me. But I wanted to have them hear me on my own time.

God clearly had other ideas.

So I just sat there and cried and entered data into the computer.

I don't even know what I cried about...but I just needed a good cry.

God made sure that I got one.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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