Thursday, February 12, 2009

Big Girls Don't Cry

Big girls don’t cry
Big girls don’t cry
Big girls don’t cry-yi-yi (they don’t cry)
Big girls don’t cry (who said they don’t cry?)
My girl said goodbye-yi-yi (my oh my)
My girl didn’t cry (I wonder why)

Big Girls Don't Cry- Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

Tuesday afternoon, I got my first big girl wife test. Brandon sent me a message in the mid afternoon telling me that he thought he was about to have a migraine as his onset indicator of blurry vision was occuring. He had one of his coworkers drive him to the urgent care and because I work in another town my mom was going to meet him there. I assumed that by the time I got home that night I would have a husband dead asleep in our bed.

Yeah well I don't have to tell you what happens when you assume things.

On my way home after work, Brandon calls and says, "While I was waiting for the doctor, my left side went numb. They want me to go to the Emergency Room for a ct-scan, and I need a neuro-consult."

What I heard was: ER. CT-Scan. Neurologist.

I made it off the phone without crying. Then I let it sink in and approximately 2.3 seconds later I was bawling. This was also in the middle of the thunderstorms and tornadoes.

Yeah. I can tell you're really paying attention now. Because you just realized that I was driving in rain, which I HATE, and crying at the same time. Not a good combination.

I was crossing the Arkansas bridge when I saw a rainbow. The rain had subsided for just a moment and there was God's promise to me that everything was going to be okay. Now I don't believe that rainbow just appeared and the torrential rains stopped just for the heck of things.

God was in control.

I dried my tears, called Brandon back and then started calling his family. I would like to say that I was brave and didn't cry again, but that wasn't the case. I cried on his mom and I told her I was sorry, but that I was scared because this is the first time that something like this had happened. I realized that I wasn't the little girl anymore.

When something happens to Brandon, decisions and phone calls come to me directly.

I talked to my sister, Jessica. She has no idea how well she handled the situation. I called and started telling her everything and she told me she knew and then started talking about her crappy day to take my mind off things. She has what President Kennedy would have called "courage under fire." She had the ability to assess the situation, recognize my weaknesses in my personality and take charge of the situation. She was braver than she ever gives herself credit for.

Then my dad called. Of course I immediately started crying before my dad could even ask how I was doing. That's typical. And we had our little father/daughter pep talk. My dad reminded me that "They can't eat ya sister. Everything will be okay." and I clicked back over to talk to my sister. She and I ended our conversation and I gave her my pep talk to take her Valentine to S.O.S. before the weekend.

I sent messages to those I know in the medical field about recommendations for neurologists and pulled into the hospital parking lot still expecting the worst. I walked in the door expecting to see Brandon in a wheel chair due to his numbness.

He was in a regular chair, looking around like nothing was going on majorly in his life at that moment.

I didn't know whether to hit or hug him.

He was like "what's wrong with you? You look like you have been crying."

Seriously!?! I had my decision on the hug/hit issue at that point.

I said, "Brandon when you call people and tell them what is going on you have to be very specific. For example when you call your wife to tell her that you're on your way to the ER b/c your LEFT SIDE is numb, be aware that it might cause some commotion."

Brandon said, "I thought I told you left arm."

"Uh...NO! You told me left side. Now you're still drowzy and it makes total sense to me why you shouldn't have made that phone call. In the future, I want someone to call who knows exactly what they are saying."

"Okay...well I am okay. That's good news. You don't have anything to worry about."

"In the future, hand the phone to my mom or my doctor."

"Okay. Geez."

Eventually we went to the back. We met with the nurse. She was extremely nice and her bedside manner was superb.

The same could not be said for the P.A. She was new to the case b/c there had just been a shift case. We did not see an actual doctor at any point because there was another trauma going on and never had a ct-scan or bloodwork. We were told that they wanted to wait b/c the neurologist's typically want to run their own.

We are waiting to hear from a couple of neurologists to see if they will take our case on...funny thing medical bureaucracy. The first thing they wanted besides his medical records was a copy of the ct-scan!! I could have screamed.

The good news is that Brandon never had a migraine. Yay!

Lessons learned from the situation...


  1. I watch waaaaaaay too much tv because so many bad bad things ran through my mind on the way to see Brandon. (And they still do)
  2. We have to be more aggressive when we visit the emergency room.
  3. I really have to do everything humanly possible to hold on to God's reminders that he is in control. Otherwise, I'll worry about something that hasn't happened yet and may not even happen.
  4. The Lifetime Channel is now the Bravo Channel.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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