Tuesday, October 21, 2008

alright already.

I tried to watch last night's episode of the Hills. But apparently MTV needs some maintenance. So I thought maybe it was a sign that I should be on here instead.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that eventually I would be talking about law school and where I am applying, blah blah blah. Well I can't avoid it any longer. So here goes. For the past month or so, I've silently been freaking out about law school. I think about it a lot on my commute home from work. I think about what happens if I don't get in, am I really supposed to be an attorney, etc. Sunday night I did not sleep well at all because I stayed up thinking about all of these things. And yesterday afternoon my well hidden silent freakouts became public when my boss was up on his way up front and saw me crying. He graciously reminded me that it was time to go home...10 minutes early. He didn't have to tell me twice. I made a beeline out of the office and called my dad. I've been good for the past 10 months of my marriage. When I had a problem, I always turned to Brandon to bounce an idea off him. But yesterday I needed to talk to my dad. As usual when my silent freakouts lose the mute button, I was crying before he even answered the phone. (Side note: my dad is very used to this as one of the women in his life call if not every day, every other day crying about something. Bless his heart for being such a good listener.) So he asked me what was wrong, and I told him I didn't know if I was supposed to go to law school anymore. And he asked what brought this on and how long had I been thinking about it. And I told him that I had been considering the idea for a month or so, and that I didn't know what I would do if I didn't get in.

And he said, "well sis, I've told you before, but you have to remember that they can't eat ya if you don't. And that if is a really big one. I don't see you getting in as the problem. I see the how you're going to pay for it all being your issue. But he said that's another concern for another day. I know you're supposed to be a lawyer. You eat, sleep and breathe politics. You've always wanted to be in public office. And in order for you to get to that point, you're going to have to go to school cause my name isn't Joe Kennedy. (Btw if he was, I'd be in the middle of my military service stint right now.) Right now, you're working in the grittiest part of the law. And so it is easy to understand that you are getting bogged down by all of it. What you see is no fun. And yes lawyers get a bad rap, but their purpose is to help good people not get the short end of the stick. They are there to keep people honest and to protect the innocent. And I know that it may not seem like it now, but this is excellent experience for you. This time will only help your intuition about people grow. And finally, you are a decision maker. You have always meant to do so. That's why you were in leadership every where you have been so far in your life until now. But you can't make the step forward until you have JD behind your name. You have to remember that until you have it, you won't be on their playing field. And finally, I have always felt like this is what you are supposed to do with your life. Even before you switched over to political science from medical school, I knew that you would be part of the law-making process. Your conviction of the difference between wrong and right is too high for you not to be a lawyer...."

And I felt better. I listened to him and we talked some more and then he had to go because he had a customer on the lot. I felt better. I knew what the practical point of law school was all along. I just sometimes let my brain wander a little...okay okay...a lot. I want to go to law school really bad. And it isn't about getting ahead of others. Don't get me wrong, the degree will certainly be nice, but I want to be able to speak out and have that leadership role again. I really do believe the concept that one person can make a difference. And I want my own shot on this earth to do so. So please pray for me in the next few weeks as I work on my applications. It is going to be a daunting task to say the least.

It still blows my mind that I have to sell myself again for this whole deal. I remember applying for undergrad and it was a breeze it seemed. Of course I could work on my applications at school as well as at home. So that will be harder, but also the test. Geez. THE LSAT. But that's not including that I will probably need to make campus visits again!! Campus visits...whoa that is a major step back in history. I didn't take a tour of the campus at OU until the spring. Is that okay to wait that long for law school too? And the application process. SICK!!!

Bleh...work is crazy so I'll have to finish this later. And I am really tired of attitudes. Peace.

1 comment:

Kelsey Claire said...

Good luck with everything. I know how stressed T.J. was about Law School, but it all worked out for him! I am sure that it will work out for you! I will say a prayer or 2 for you.

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Hi y'all! The name's Samantha. You can call me Sam if you like. I am a lover to a boy I met at Falls Creek in the summer of 2005, that is a student of Jesus, a Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead, Democrat by party, blonde to the core, and oldies but goodies kind of girl.
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